Just a reminder:
Yom Kipper may be Friday, but National Talk Like a Pirate Day is a week from tonight. Now, I could have waited and posted this then–that will be when we will be leaving them unguarded on the counter at the Philosophy Bistro–but then ye filthy bilge-rats would not have the time to be bakin’ yer own.
Should I dress up again?

Ingredients:

• 1 cup TVP
• 1 cup rum (approximately)
• 2 cups flour (Whole wheat, white, both, as you wish)
• ½ cup of sugar
• 2 tsp baking soda
• ½ tsp salt
• ½ cup brown sugar
• ½ tsp cinnamon
• ½ cup rolled oats
• ½ cup walnuts
• 1 cup diced apples
• ½ cup chopped golden raisins
• 2 cup cooked sweet potato (I like it baked, but I assume canned will do)
• 3 eggs
• ½ cup buttermilk or Greek yoghurt
• ½ cup oil (it might work without this; I liked making it with coconut oil.)
• 2 tsp. vanilla

Step 1: the TVP: This can be done earlier. Measure out a cup of TVP, and cover it with the rum. Let it soak, so the TVP absorbs the fluid. If you are a teetotaler, substitute something interesting.

Step 2, Prepare Ye the way: Preheat the oven to 350°, chop the apple, either grease the muffin tins or put in the cupcake liners (I usually spray a little canola oil in the bottom of these to make things come out easier). I get 2 dozen medium sized muffins out of this mix.

Step 3, sifting the dry ingredients: In one bowl crumble up the brown sugar and the oats, then sift (mix if you don’t have a sifter) in the flour, white sugar, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt. Mix thoroughly.

Step 4, mixing the wet ingredients: In another bowl, mix the TVP, the apples, the raisins, sweet potato, vanilla, oil, eggs and buttermilk.

Step 5, combining the big mess: Add the dry ingredients to the wet ones and mix well. You want to make sure the individual bits of apple are each coated to keep them from getting too clumpy. The consistency should be much firmer than batter, but a little more liquid than cookie dough.

Step 5, baking: Fill two dozen or so muffin tins. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. See how they look. Stick a toothpick in one and see if it comes out battery.

Step 6, gratuitous pirate joke: What is a pirates favorite letter?
You would think “Rrrr,” but no; a pirate’s heart belongs to the “C.”

Step 8, sharing: Oh, make them work for it. Bury the muffins on a deserted beach, leaving the only map in possession of a drunken, cursed first mate. or just tie them to the parrot.